“Oh my god, other people struggle”
that’s what you hear them say
today it’s debilitating
so was yesterday’s pub visit
and Friday’s pool palava
enough tears to sink a ship
watching Blended with Drew Barrymore
and yearning for that family
my feelings are playing musical chairs
when it stops you hear the clap of arse cheeks
sit themselves down
and with no music to dance to
they twiddle their thumbs gingerly
Christ knows if the noise goes
the fear starts
leaps to attention
like some Nazi guard
the music can’t die down
else I’ll die with it
I stepped out to Londis and squirmed
mind nattering the whole way
it’s cruel to live like you shouldn’t be here
and the crying is getting old now
wilting like a weed
I’d like to hit somebody
and really yell with my lungs
because I haven’t done that before
(except into my pillow)
and make them burst like two water balloons.
Why don’t you loosen the reins
A gentle tug to prompt
Sooty shackles to the ground.
Why don’t you lower the bar
Before it slices your head clean off
Making you wander
Like some mad headless chicken.
Why don’t you point the gun down
So your temples can stop
And your glands
Can start acting up.
Why don’t you let your smile fade
Take it off like boots after a hard
Slip sweaty socks off
And leave them on the landing
Feel your gums breath again
Feel your teeth
Whisper thank you.
The waves crash around my ankles in a desperate display of purple fury
Each and every one poised for a destructive landing
A very violet sandstorm.
Wading in to be whipped, my body tenses
Feet tapping and drifting away from the ocean’s disgruntled bed
One of them finds me, sizes me up, and then punches my body with its crackling foam
Knocked onto the sand, bikini bursts and breasts fall open
I bounce from grain to grain, submerged and breathless, au bout de souffle,
Steadying myself, my feet fight with the monstrous current
Metres from the shore feels like miles.
Boob readjusted, wedgie loosened, the sea retreats and oxygen invades
I stumble out of the deathly surf like a drunken banshee woman
Withering like a rose, wobbling like jelly.